Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A True Story

Doctor Ong sat on the porch listening to Edie Brikell when I first met the man. I had no idea he was the legendary "Fu Man Motorcycle" superhero of Eugene Oregon. He left milk in bowls from cereal unfinished in the sink for weeks at a time. He seemed only mildly interested in asking me a few questions before accepting my application and first-last months rent to pay for an upstairs room in his riverfront adjacent house. The last time I saw Doctor Ong he was handcuffed to a hospital bed, had three Police Officers standing over him questioning him, and smiling through his thin bloodied lips at the oblivious fact that he was responsible for the death of two people named Kelly in less than one day.

Sila worked as a stripper in San Francisco before moving north and renting a room in Doctor Ong's house. I think her girlfriend was stealing loose change from my room when I was out of the house. She believed that all airplanes traveled along lines of interpretation and thus subject to control from one's thoughts and desires from the ground. Stupid weird shit. Oddly enough, she chose to drive everywhere she went instead of arranging for other less lethal means of transportation. The first time I accepted a ride from her, she demolished an abandoned ten speed bicycle parked too close to the curb leaning against a "no parking" sign. I had never seen, nor since seen, a bicycle fly through the air and crash into and through the window of new age hippie fashion clothing store. Sila, without so much as a glance back to the carnage that ensued. You couldn't have duplicated that chain of events if you tried a thousand times. Deadpan humor was a new experience for me with her and she said, "A bicycle is nothing more than an airplane without wings."

Sila and Doctor Ong would sit on the porch drinking tequila, whispering softly for hours some nights while I wasted my time upstairs. They were planning crime. I knew it. And I was wrong, as my dreams would tell me every night when I fell asleep. And one night a chess piece fell from the sky while I was sitting on the porch, along with Sila, Doctor Ong, Freddie (I call him Freddie because I can't remember his name only that he reminds me of a Freddie somehow) who rented another of the rooms on the upstairs level, and Mr. Peeters, who lived in a tent across the street in an empty lot he owned but evidently could not afford to build a house on as he was habitually unemployed. Everyone said it was a sign from beyond. I knew I was set up. I didn't know which one of them tossed it into the air, or if it was an unseen counterpart from afar, but it landed softly in my lap as I leaned back looking up into the cloudless sky. It was a plastic piece about three inches in length from a common discount store chess set. The Black Queen hit me square in the crotch and bounced onto the floor rolling in a circle. It was an event minimized by the explosion that followed from the back of the house where a studio apartment rented from the Doctor, by one or two odd fellows whom I was never introduced to proper, but came to know from the investigations that followed, were both named Kelly. I always thought they were just potheads?

There was no fireball or flying debris like in the movies, there was only an incredibly large "Boom!" followed by an incredible amount of dust rising into the air surrounding the house and nearby bushes. The power was off and everything had an odd blurry green illumination from lights off in the distance, offset by the flashing red and blue lights from the sirens approaching along the riverside drive. I never heard it, but through the dust I saw the motorcycle travel across the front yard, over the curb, and beyond the freeway overpass. It was certainly not the first thing on my mind. The fact that I was deaf seemed somehow more important in the immediate. I would eventually recover most of my hearing but to this day I have to ask most people to repeat themselves.
This is me about a year later. To be continued.

Starting the BEST OF 2010 Series...

Starting December 1st and for the next 20 day's I'll be posting one post a day that features a BEST OF 2010 subject. All subjects chosen by me and in no particular order whatsoever. There's no accounting for taste. Deal with it. And when I say "Best" in some (not all) cases, I might actually mean "Worst." I think you'll be able to figure it out.
Best Pic of Allen / 2010. Thanks Chris of Blue Collar Moto fame.
Makes me look as if I have some type of skills or something?

Monday, November 29, 2010

December Keeps Groing (-w)

I know everyone is going to David Mann, but there's something after that you've gotta put on your calendar...
 A over night camp out Saturday December 18th 2010
We will be meeting at The Helm Cocktail Lounge in Costa Mesa Ca. at 11:30am departing at 1:30 pm for a ride down the PCH. We will be stopping for lunch at a burger joint and continue on down the coast for a over night camp out at San Mateo state Beach camp grounds.
 If you are in Ventura on the 11th.
We have a "morning of..." HUG THE COAST (12-12-2010) ride from Redondo Beach to Ventura for the David Mann Show. Leaving Redondo Bch by 8:30 am from The Gasser Lounge.

Chilling Out Maxing, Relaxing All Cool

 Skate and Ride (pic credit: Brett Tobias)
 Just tapped the unpublished Skate and Ride, Philadelphia PA photo pool!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Santa Fe Im (S)portsters

 Here's yet another Sportster that I've never shot before. Keep 'um coming out of the wood work like termites.
 November 27th 2010 Long Beach, CA.
 Illusion Cycle Racing. Another Half-Sportster build (more pics later)

Slab City Riot 2 ... MORE PHOTOS

 VC in the Hump.

Wuss Van Driver Craig just brought over his photos from the Slab City Riot 2 so it's time to start loading some more Solid Gold!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving and Drink Pepsi

Have been busy at a lot of other things including the Best Of posts for 2010 which will appear throughout December right here on the Lady Hump. In the meantime, I hope you will enjoy these White Tiger pictures which should inspire you to celebratory jubilation this Holiday season. Thinking of you Spanksters, Fisters, and Wusstards!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

DICE Las Vegas (pics)

 DICE Party Las Vegas pictures from So Cal local Alan Stedman who decided he could blend both a family trip and a motorcycle party into one wild wet weekend!

 November 20th 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hug The Coast to The David Mann Chopperfest

We're planning a South Bay ride from Redondo Beach, along the coast, all the way to the Ventura County Fairgrounds for the David Mann Chopperfest.
Tentatively we'll be meeting around 8:00 am and leaving by 8:30, with a coffee break at the usual place and a mid-point gas stop for those of us with tiny tanks. No freeways so feel free to ride your Wuss scoot. (actual pictures of the coast taken from my bike! Yeah, it's that close.)

Stay tuned for more details in the coming weeks.

DICE Las Vegas

Have a cell phone? Send a picture! This one is from the DICE party in Las Vegas.
Thanks Stedman!

Saturday, November 20, 2010


Rode around until I achieved the covenant "Fail" award for not being able to find the DeLIVERance event??? And when I get home it's sunny...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Little Time Left ...

 It's almost December and that brings Christmas and the End of 2010
I'll be busy trying to hit the few remaining events and shows this year, while also preparing the Lady Hump BEST OF 2010 Review's. You might find your blog, your bike, and even your humiliation listed for all the interweb to see! ... plus some more stuff I've been holding in my back pocket.

The Winner is Lydia! 2 games to ZIP

Wii Bowling Challenge between Weeman and Gasser Bartender Lydia.
What's that? Nothing to do on a Thursday night? There's always something to do, you just have to make it happen. The Gasser Lounge has monthly bike nights on (usually) the last Saturdays of the month (check their website for exact dates and come on down). Ladies Night every Thursday night! Not close enough to make it? DIY time then. Open your phone book and start making some trips to local places where you can make something happen!
Need more Weeman v. Lydia? Here's a couple more shots.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Ramdon 500's

Beard of The Great White North

Conspiracy Theories abound.
As I am fond of correcting Canadians, that big water fall place is only HALF Canadian!
Must get cold living in a house made of ice cubes. How do you even fit them into your drink?
Welcoming Shawn into the family of Sportster owners.