Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Lady Gaga, Bernie, a Shark and a Sea Turtle walk into a bar...


Gaga was asked about the death of fellow singer Amy Winehouse, who died in London on July 23.
“I’m just so devastated. And so sad,” said Gaga. “I really couldn’t speak for 48 hours straight. I was in such shock.” like, seriously...
“I just think the most unfortunate thing is the way the media spins things, like ‘Oh we can learn from Amy’s death.’ I don’t feel that Amy needed to learn any lessons. Except how not to do drugs every second of every day I felt that the lesson was for the world to be kinder to the superstar. Even Hitler needed kisses. Everyone was so hard on her. Like her Dad, and family, and Manager. They really only wanted the best for her and it showed.
Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked Gaga about dealing with such immense fame. Big Strap On Time here folks.
“It’s a very lonely life,” said Lady Gaga. “But I think that’s part of what we love about her. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t enjoy listening to someone sing sad songs about the Blues and heartbreak, and then not expect them to be truly heartbroken.” But if a rapper raps about shooting cops, he's not really intending to do it? So which is it?
Gaga, who wore a black and white outfit with matching purse, glasses and even a piano, also talked about how she deals with fame, and New York's legalization of same-sex marriage. She also performed her single "You and I." Talk about FAKE.

On a completely different note, I wrote you a movie treatment utilizing characters you already know and love...
After their adventure at Bernie's weekend house (events of "Weekend At Bernie's") accountants/chopcultist oafish Larry and up-tight Richard return to Los Angeles only to be blamed by the authorities for stealing a two million dollar master builder motorcycle that Bernie had ordered and accepted but failed to pay for upon delivery to his California Lomax Moto-park complex. Larry and Richard investigate and discover that the motorcycle is now somewhere at the Sturgis 2011 motorcycle rally! Meanwhile master builder Pauly Sr., who arranged for the motorcycle to be assembled from stock parts around the shop, wants his monetary investment back any way he can get it, even if that means shooting roids again, that or Viagra? His son, the mischievous design stealing Pauly Jr., would like nothing more than to steal the bike out from under his dad, hires a Voodoo Queen, affectionately named the "Black Magic Woman" to help them revive the now long deceased body of Bernie and the secret location of the "Lomax Lowrider". She tells Larry and Richard to steal Bernie's body and raise it from the dead to lead them to the motorcycle. Unfortunately Pauly Jr, goofed and Bernie can only move when he hears polka music.  This creates comic antics and endless confusion whenever the riding trio (plus dead guy) stop for gas, grass, or ass! Richard, Larry and Bernie, along with comical genius Pauly jr., all go to Sturgis to find the motorcycle before it's raffled away in the hottest wet t-shirt contest this side of Daytona Beach! Any reason for more naked girls in a movie is a sure fire hit! In the end both father and son find the happy middle ground and begin to rebuild their relationship with one another, in ways you NEVER expected. Larry and Richard wind up hooking up with a couple of ladies of the night they find lingering at the Buffalo Chip (who later turn out to be trannys) and Bernie finds eternal peace resting on the centerpiece of the Full Throttle Saloon, his very own "Lowmax Lowrider!"
Coming to a theater near you soon.
And why stop there, let's get far out...
real far... farther...
ok, too far, come back some.
Anyone here ever play with astral projection? I know of (maybe) three different ways to achieve it with limited success some might say. One however is always the preferred method and the most successful I have experienced. Yesterday I was practicing and decided it was time to take some notes. Note One: solid and liquid are not applicable on (the/a) astral plane. The majority of the time (which is figurative in itself) I have spent there has been in a perceived liquid state. Note Two: Color remains even when through modern television/movie illustrations of such, one may be led to believe that color is altered. Do you dream in color? Yes. Vividly. My latest exploration led me to an under-liquid (I hesitate to say under-water) observation of a shark eating a sea turtle. The mere fact that I was there to observe this points out some interesting possibilities. One, that others (the shark and the sea turtle) were present, and I highly doubt that they were traveling in an astral plane, so where was I you might ask? Two, that they both recognized me (or at least recognized that something was there watching them and that something was in human form), Why? because the shark turned (morphed) into a grey skinned aboriginal man with a black beard and black curly hair, looked directly at me but did not speak. The sea turtle first turned from a turtle to a hippopotamus like creature before turning into a small dark skinned male. Three, that my own actions are completely controllable (unlike in a nightmare) and you remain fully conscious during the travel. The actions of others are possibly controlled by others in the same realm, although, at this time I have no was to confirm this. The shark had bitten off one of the turtles fins right before the transformation and the dark skinned male (previously a turtle) now had one arm amputated and the grey skinned man with the beard was eating it cannibal style. I'm sorry to say my camera did not work during this observation, as I have not gained the knowledge necessary to take it with me into the astral plane. I tried however. The wounded arm self sealed without delay and I did make eye contact with the amputee before being returned to my body unexpectedly. Have I ever communicated during these projections? Yes. With others whom I consider to also be human travelers. Were the shark and the turtle humans? I don't believe so at this time. I believe that their appearances changed with the presence of my own before them, although I don't know why yet.
Have you ever been mellow? Have you ever tried?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow.. the state of motorcycle blogs these days makes me a little sad.

All3n said...

I totally agree... you came to the right place. Ten years ago, there weren't ANY motorcycle blogs, hell, blogger didn't even exist. If you've spent any time at all at the Lady Hump you can really appreciate the "don't take yourself so seriously" approach mixed with a hefty dose of pictures form an incredible tremendous amount of Southern California (and related areas) motorcycle shows/events/rides/camping trips/drinking parties. We're on schedule to attend about 15 more shows in 2011 and will probably top 130,000 visitors this year. More than I ever expected from just having a good time with friends and riding motorcycles! No longer should you or anyone, be forced to attend standard boring factory dealership sturgis wet t-shirt and stock bike rally's where you have to pay $10 for a 12 oz. light beer and bikinis dance on a stage out of reach? Who the hell thinks that's what it's all about? Vendors, that's who. Who want nothing more than your money. that's why I put the "Bean Pot" on the side, so you'll be able to plan in advance what rides you wanna make. Don't like mine? That's cool too. Make your own! No one is stopping you ... So make this blog a "Favorite" on your web browser and enjoy the ride ~

Anonymous said...

This blog is already a favorite of mine... but it's under the "motorcycle blogs" category. I guess I should make a new category for "motorcycle and teenage girl celebrity news blogs". I just don't get the whole "Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga/Amy Winehouse" connection to motorcycles, maybe I'm missing something.

I just avoid all celebrity TV garbage, it's surprising that it makes it's way into things I am interested in.

All3n said...

Totally fair enough. And I respect that.

Lady Gaga; did you see the Judas video. It had (a) chopped sportster in it and some rigids... and a dance filled biker bar!?!?! Everybody on the bandwagon...
plus Unicorns are everyones favorite thing right now, thus making them "sold out" to a degree.

Amy Winehouse was a druggie and a drunk, and an inside joke of a "clean" girl we had posing on a sportster a year or so ago. It snowballed. They hype followed.

Justin Beiber plays Sons of Anarchy on stage.
A biker playing a biker playing a biker...

When HD steals ideas from blogs and promotes it as their "new" thing, I'll make fun of it.

When they give Sportsters to skateboarders and all they do is jump OVER the bike, I'll make fun of it.

I've repeated this before, and it was summed up best when, Rouser said to me, "I love your blog." I had to qualify the statement by adding, "you know it's a joke right?" and he said "Yes. They all are!"

Very few bloggers who are craftsmen, actually take time from their true calling to blog about it....

Most of my local friends tell me, if it's more than a paragraph long, I know you're on some crazy ass wild rant and I'll read it later... I doubt they ever do.

;-)

Anonymous said...

I think I've heard a Lady Gaga song before, but only by accident. I had actually never even seen her until about a month ago.

ok, didn't get the Amy Winehouse thing.

I don't know much about Justin Bieber except that people seem to really hate him or love him. I didn't know about the SOA thing, which I really don't get either.

People think I'm lying when I tell them I don't know these things. They all think I secretly am into the stupid things they are into, like Facebook. I have an alias and a dozen or so select friends. I check it about once a month, and am depressed by how boring and uninteresting people are. I don't have a smartphone or want one.

I've never been into skateboarding, I sure as hell ain't going to start or pretend to since it's acceptable and cool now.

Maybe I'm just feeling left out, because I don't understand all the things you cool bloggers are referencing. I didn't know Unicorns are "in", but I'm getting that impression. The chopper world is so confusing and complicated now. Is everyone still trying to achieve "period correctness" or is that so 2010?

I don't know... your blog is cool, just don't let it turn into something shitty. er shittier. whatever.

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