Saturday, December 3, 2011

Be My Conrad Murray...

In a few days, you'll have the opportunity to see a new and exciting show on The Discovery Channel that will blow your mind (read: you will have feelings of needing to kill yourself if you actually watch it; Jesse James's NPR tee-shirt alone makes me want to shot a gun in his direction (* see below) ). But, little known tid-bit of information you might find amusing, completely true in all seriousness, is the interview I had with Paul Tuetul (Sr.) some month past to join the Chopper Team and put some of the most amazing machines together on the face of the planet. I haven't seen any of those yet... so here's how it went to the best of my recollection:
Paul Sr.: "Hi. Um, welcome to Orange County Choppers. I'm a big fan of the Lady Junk, Um, blog. I think some of the stuff you do there is really, Um, you know interesting, and Um, the direction I think we'd like to partner with."
Me: "Thanks."
Paul Sr.: "So you Um, have some of the Um ideas that Um we're looking for right? Tell me I'm right."
Me: "Sure."
Paul Sr.: "Great. So Um, have you done much production before?"
Me: "Let me tell you. In high school and after I dropped out of college I spent years stuffing envelopes from home. Let me tell you about the rigors of running a production..."
Paul Sr.: "Okay, that's enough. That's great. Um, How about your knowledge of fabrication?"
Me: "Oh Yeah. You know for years I collected Democratic Party Voter Registration signatures outside supermarkets for $1.00 a signature. Fabrication was my speciality."
Paul Sr.: "I'm excited already, Um, what do you think about being able to handle assembly jobs?"
Me: "Just call me the Lego Kid. I got this tattoo right here on my arm (I lifted my sleeve and exposed my ink) it reads pretty much my motto; "Bolt It On!"
Paul Sr.: "I knew it. You're Um, really going to fit in here with me and my son Pauly... we're pretending to be, Um, mad at each other for the ratings and stuff. It's fooling everybody. You... I want to ask you something. What about shooting Roids directly into my penis? If I hold it can you do that for me?"
Me: ...?... (blank look on my face. I realized this interview was being filmed for future airing.)

Paul Sr.: "Look I want you to, Um, think about that. I can be your bodyguard and stuff and you can like be my Conrad Murray. Like I said, I really dig the, Um, Crazy Hump. Opps, sorry, you know whatever. I'm a busy guy don't get me started. I'll tell you something. I look at that blog every day. It's really, Um, man, it's really, Um, super. You know what I mean. Can I call you Al?"
Needless to add. I nailed it. I got the job and walked outta there with a boat load of OCC slightly stained official T-Shirts. You'll see me on T.V. on the upcoming season! Enjoy.

Wow, got some grief over the NPR shirt comment... please, realize this months posts are jokes people. Maybe you need to go sign up for a HOG meeting or buy an upgrade to your Direct TV? Sheesh' NPR is a drag... they talk soooo slowwww as if they are talking to a four year oldddddd.... know what I mean?

"Losing is not an option."

And I get grief over an NPR comment? ... seriously. Liberals can be sooo dramatic.

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