Friday, March 2, 2012

Three's Company ~ a Lady Hump Television Treatment

Leftist dyke "Janet Wood" and cocain loving "Chrissy Snow" are a pair of career girls living in Santa Monica. When their other roommate Eleanor moves out after getting knocked up and having a baby they begin the process of looking for a replacement when they find an alcoholic party crasher and aspiring (meth) chef Jack Tripper unconscious and unresponsive in their bathtub. When the girls taste his "cooking" they decide to force him to be their roommate in a very platonic arrangement. Unfortunately, this doesn't go over well with their prudish landlord Stanley "Rape Kit" Roper, who thinks that there will be nothing but hanky panky going on after he moves in and the girls will exclude him from their late night drunken booty calls downstairs. However, the girls tell Roper that the very heterosexual Jack is gay in order for him to move in. This infuriates "Rape Kit" Roper to no end, as he too is a closet "gay." The only person who know's about the ruse is Roper's seemingly oversexed cougar wife Helen, who hasn't worn a bra since 1952 and forces Jack to lick the syrup off the "flapjacks" daily. The Ropers later sell the building to real estate magnate Bart Furley who hires his self-described ladies man (in his own mind) brother and senior citizen latin lover, Ralph to be the building's manager. A few years into the arrangement, Chrissy moves back to Fresno to be with her ailing mother and is at first replaced by her cousin Cindy, who later is replaced by pretty young enema nurse Terri "Nurse Warm Water" Alden. All the while Jack, who despite his best efforts, is unable to master his secret "meth" receipe and fails in trying to ever make it (get laid) with his roommates. Jack and Ralph on the other hand, become "good" friends if you know what I mean....? and I think, you do.
Jack eventually dies from a heart attack from the years of meth abuse (that's cold...)

I guess Jack could ride a Sportster too....

... or a Tigh-Master 
"I told you Jack. You can't touch this... na na na na, nu uh, nu uh."

"Oh Jack.."

Come and knock on our door.....
We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too.

No comments: