Sunday, April 1, 2012

Today is the Wrench Day of my Life ...

 If you know me at all, you know I'm a lover of fat tire motorcycles. Sure, a lot of people make fun of them and yet they still watch shows like American Choppers where they build bikes with fat tires? Doesn't make much sense does it? Well, I'm not ashamed to tell you I love them. With a passion. So, I finally did it. I received my upgrade kit today and started the final assembly on this bad ass little bee'otch! I'm thinking of calling this bike the "Lard Knock Life" because (amongst other things) I'm a big Jay-Z fan. I know, a white kid with money who likes rap? Ha. But there's more of us than you'd think. But I'm still open to other possible names like "La Loca Alimentos Amante" for my other passion in life. I lamer tacos de pescado! Anna Nicole Smith was a hottie!

So this is the progress so far. I can't wait to get this puppy off the lift at the shop (they say it'll be done soon!) and really open it up at the HOG club meeting this weekend. I'm going to have to pay, probably, about $3,500.00 to get her painted the way I want, but it'll be worth every penny when I see people look at me riding around town, or polishing my chrome pipe curbside in front of my apartment complex. A good neon paint scheme can't be metal flaked. It has to be layered by a trained professional painter. There's nothing like being the center of attention and I'm a total attention fag! "Heyyyy Boyz, Do you gotta light?" The more eyes on me the better! You know it. 
My ultimate Bucket List has the following items;
One passionate night with Kristy Alley
(where do you think the "lady hump" idea came from?)
A six pack of Pabst (or Milwaukee's Best)
A pack of Magnum Straights, any kind of Loaf Cake, a can of spray Frosting, 
and a FAT TIRE BIKE, all in the same room together getting steamy!
I'm on that road. I can fell the wind. Break me open Kristy!

So.. what happened to my beginners bike? I upgraded that piece of crap. Some dumb texting Hipster trendy blondie form Venice, girl bought it! Ha ha. Fool. I also sold her my used ipod shuffle with all my girl-bike songs on it. Favorites of the Sportster "fan club" include hits like “Bad to the Bone” ,“Bad Reputation”, “Barracuda" by Heart, “Born to be Wild”, Anything Joan Jett, “Walk This Way” by Aerosmith, “Leader of the Pack”, “Biker Chick” by Jodee Messina and anything by Rihanna, especially "Drive."

Happy April 1st Bee'otches ~
C'est avril jour des poissons d'avril en amérique où nous sommes stupides histoires et amener les gens à croire.

4 comments:

larry said...

that's a big tire, obviously you plan on giving Kirstie a ride on the back of your newly upgraded machine. Better consider XX heavy shocks & aircraft quality bearings for sever duty use, & for sure you need about 4 extra thick pilion pads laid out on that phat fender & maybe a sissy bar made of 1.5" solid chromoly. after you polish it all up you can call it the Lady Thump!

Anonymous said...

April 1st! Phew....you were having me worried there for a moment Mr Hump.

THE BIG MAMA INTROSPECTION said...

All the content of Lady Hump is a "Poisson d'avril" :o

Lady Hump said...

Ainsi, si vous voulez, je pense que chaque jour est avril Jour des poissons d'avril sur la dame bosse !