Monday, May 28, 2012

Sportsters v. Triumphs: The Conclusion

You've seen a lot of magazines and websites conducting comparisons on Sportsters versus Triumphs lately. Here's a not so secret; you don't need spec sheets, performance reviews, fuel consumption, or ergos statistics (whatever the hell that is?). So, you know Lady Hump has been the Queen of Versus Matches, some of our more famous matches included Wild Hogs v. Sons of Anarchy, Courtney Love v. Darth Vader, and the 2011 Lady Gaga v. Dead Amy Winehouse ... all classics in their own right. We'll I had the opportunity to (mortally) combat a real Triumph "Lover" versus the Tried and True, True American Sportster Numba One Fanboy (me)... and it was all possible due to the technology of texting. To protect the LOSER, I'll keep his name out of it...
Here's the full transcript:
(Keep in mind I was trapped at home in a cast, while being taunted from the bar) ...You guys all owe me a brewskis and not that PBR shit.
"Sorry dude, I don't drink poor people beer. I'm buying Blue Moons for the crew."
I hope you take them analy.
"I tried but **** Rotten is major homophobe! Joey was cool with gay antics though."
I just called a **** ***** in to the **** ***** police dept., I told them the primary suspect was a tall skinny model looking fella buying Blue Moons for a large group of men.
"They'll never catch me, I'm on an old triumph."
They don't have to catch you, they will just wait for you to crash all on your own, like in every 1970's biker flick.
"I'm a better ride than Steve McQueen, Bro b."
Ok Ok your a bad ass, I forgot, Im a little busy myself with SOA.
"Make fun of me, but watch that telenova. Your demoted to 883 Rider."
I got tired of watching Vicki the Robot reruns. Are you still at the Blue Oyster? 883 are PUNK ROCK, triumps are like Culture Club.
"Sportsters are not punk. They are mainstream like flock of seagulls. Triumphs are like Subhumans or Crass. You're just unable to be objective. I saw 3 british bikes at the swap and 4,000 Sportsters. You're depeche mode for sure."
Triumphs are not Crass. If anything they are maybe like Elton John but Sportsters are early NOFX and Ironheads are Johnny Thunders or Germs. Ok. I win. Isn't it your beauty nap time?
"Dude. You need a nap beacuse Triumphs are 7 Seconds, The Crew album and all Sportsters are the Partridge Family."
Sportsres are the ******* Freeze, Land of the Lost album. Triumphs are Roxy Music, Avalon.
"Ok Serious this time... Here's what it really is. Sportstsers are Ke$ha and Triumphs are the Misfits.
The End."
You know Ke$ha? ****! Triumps are D I N O S A U R ... ha ha! Sportstsers are Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, beeotch!
...
"Of course I know Ke$ha I have like 5 friends with Sportsters. No but Fo real. Triumphs are Dr. Dre AND Snoop. Sportsters are Kriss Kross."
Sportsters are, Red Cross before Redd Kross. Triumphs are Milli Vanilli...
"if by Milli Vanilli you mean twin trouble, then you're absolutely correct."

And it went on, but I think you already know who the winner is.... 
Sportsters Forever!


But, for the sake of all things Holy, BUY USED.

3 comments:

WhitelinePsycho said...

The only logical, fair and balanced comparo I've read, about time somebody got it right, well done darling.

branden said...

Sooooo crazy how Triumph totally owned that debate. That was some presidential debate shit. Like Kennedy VS. NIxon. You're Nixon. I'm banging Marilyn.

Josh Moore said...

This is the best thing I've ever read. Who knew googling "naked chicks on Sportsters" would lead me to the best debate ever. Well done fellars. Well done!