Sunday, June 10, 2012

Lady Hump and Michael Landon ... It's been a long time coming

Some say blogging is hard. It's not that hard at all. Follow these few simple techniques and you're on your way to creating fresh and funny blog posts for your very own blog. Pick your Target. NOPE. Let your Target Pick Itself! This is probably the easiest "Beginners Tool" in your girlfriends dresser drawer. "But I'm afraid of upsetting someone and making enemies!" Oh darn, I didn't know your blogs focus was mild manner mannerism and tampon reviews as dictated by your boyfriend. "But I still don't get it?"

How "hipster" are you? Probably not nearly enough. I was trolling around the Bikerdumb forums and saw some facebook comments on a show called the Devil's Ride. (Yes, I understand they're a group of actors out of San Diego). The very first comment called out their (current?) PREZ on wearing a Lesbian Thumb Ring. I know right? I spit out my coffee when I saw that! READ IT FOR YOURSELF HERE
So I Rodney Dangerfield "browsed" around and discovered this reality housewives show to be charming (and that's a SOA reference) in the same vain vanity of flipped up flexi-ball caps, cigars, flannels, jewelery, german novelty helmets, ape hangers, cigars, credit card finance plan motorcycle accessories, tattoos and attitudes. You know, so 2006 biker fashion. Get up to speed people. Denim Cuts, skinny choppers and metal flake is still supreme around this Taco Bell.

"If you fuck with one of us, there's a whole lotta guys there." (Quote Sandman, and I learned from his bio, link above, he's a patched member). Well, I can look at this two ways, 1.) The Laffing Devils are the current Laughing stock of the Internet. Every place I look, as this example exemplifies, when somethings funny... people make fun of it. When's the last time you saw a blog (or other) dedicated to making fun of white paper, tornado death tolls, or asphalt? Not unless there's a dead Possum painted under the center yellow line right? I've always thought, reality is it's own worst joke. or perhaps 2.) These guys need a a better script writer.... (me), which brings me case in point, to stand up comedy as an artform. You're an actor, not a puppet. If you seriously intend on stepping in front of a camera, putting yourself out there for praise or (in this case) ridicule, how do you ever live that down? It usually ends in a downward spiral akin to Britney Spears or Demi Moore, Robitussin and Vodka mixed with Bath Salts and Cognac malt shakes. A good idea at the time? Perhaps not.
You've watched American Chopper, Senior v. Steampunk, enough to know, these guys don't go out in public anymore. I used to eat in a small cafe in Studio City that was frequented by Michael Landon. We'd drink coffee and talk. One day he was a little out of sorts. He told me some crazed nut kept going over to the Warner Brothers lot and asking for him because he had a message from God to deliver to Michael. Turns out, the security guard at the gate kept laughing at this guy and throwing him off the lot. Well, the guy came back with a gun and killed the security guard. That's how funny he thought it was to be laughed at. The simple fact of the matter was, Michael Landon didn't work on the Warner Brothers movie lot. He worked across town at Paramount. So you've got a "biker reality show" now, that everyone laughs at... what do you do?
I'll tell you what to do, you create a ...
SPIN-OFF SHOW!!!
A "reel" Angel Prospect meets a "laughed at" Devil...
HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN 2
Jonathan Smith (a computerized Michael Landon) is a probationary angel sent back to Earth to help people. During the series' first episode, he meets embittered ex-Nomad Biker "Billy the Kid" (as Jonathan is walking along a little-used road outside of San Diego, on which Billy happens to be riding his Hog). Jonathan helps reform Billy, with the grateful Billy agreeing to become Jonathan's right-hand associate in carrying out the heavenly mission (cause bikes are bad ass and tough guys). The two begin traveling the country (two up) as itinerant workers, receiving assignments from "the Bozz" (an unseen associate only Jonathan could communicate with)(That'd be God if you're slow...), with their mission being to deliver love, understanding and humility (and pizzas) to the people they encountered. Typical episodes stress moral, Christian themes; though many episodes deal with common human failings, such as faked orgasms, bitterness and the biker creed, some shows will even address such topics as earning your cut and Billy curing cancer for the entire human race. A few shows, however, will be played mainly for laughs (When the real Satan makes an appearance and laughs at our two heros who mistakenly journey on the other famous Highway... to Hell. Satan is played by Dave Grohl with a cameo by Jack Black as the new leader of the Lagging Devils. It could work folks... it could work.)

3 comments:

WhitelinePsycho said...

Oh yeah, I live for shit like this, the opening para should be part of the 'Blogger Info' blurb. Lovin your work mate, keepin it surreal as always, keep on Humpin.

fink-it said...

Ok made through the whole post, and it was worth it............

KustomJeff said...

I'd watch your show!!! I DVR Devil's ride and save it for when I'm bored or sad and need to laugh at the newest dumbasses to sell their souls to Discovery. How can you not love a show where a main character has such a bad ass bike with the clutch lever on the shifter?????