Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Return of Versus ... Damien Blade v. Mephistopheles

 Mephistopheles does make a good cartoon intro. He's pretty straight forward with Johnny Blaze about selling his soul, in trade for healing his father of cancer. But, there's no points awarded for the action(s) causing his father to crash and die the next morning on a Sportster during a stunt show. Although, points are given to picking Sportster stunt rider(s) as your target for getting a new "Rider" to do your dirty work. No other bike in the world, the entire known universe for that matter, can claim to be the World's Greatest Bike (which the Sportster is. Why else would you be reading this blog if that were not true?)
 If, as a kid, you've ever had a grown man stand behind you and "light you up" like this. You might need some help dealing with being sexually molested as a child, to help you deal with and/or adjust from the phycological damage it caused. There's only one thing I can think of that would make Johnny Blaze look skyward during that scene. Something to do with aligning the spine from the bottom's up. But, I only "heard" that. I have no first "hand" knowledge what so ever.
The weak side is that, come on, you're the devil incarnation "in' carnay ci~ooooo" (as sung by Nacho Libre) and what do you do? Stomp around like a school yard bully who's been out-smarted by the nerd? You gave him this power, so suck it up and buy him a beer. He found a way to put your true demon seed back down into his big boy pants, so thank a guy.

Then there's the other side of this Versus match; Damien Blade from Wild Hogs (introduction not necessary, I know...) who doesn't wear a watch, rides around asking everyone if they've got the time? That "Anarchy Symbol" tattoo on you neck doesn't win any brownie points in this army.
I keep thinking about that scene inthe movie and where his finger might be ...
... That Finger! Oh man, not a pretty thought. He just wiped his finger on that dude's leather zip-up. What the hell?
"I heard there was a sequel to Ghost Rider. I told the Studio I had the perfect script treatment. Two Fingers... I never heard back? Then they released this suck ass sequel from Turkey or some shit! What gives?"
"It's finger licking good!"

Well, after much thought, the winner is clearly none other than favorite "Darkness" Tim Curry.
He's no finger man. You'll see why in a minute.
Someboy say "Heyyy..."
You might know him best as his character from "Legend" where he played "Darkness" the Devil (who was a real flamboyant Rocky Horror picture show fan. Couldn't use the word "Devil" would push away shy parents from letting their innocent kids see a movie about... the Devil and his twisted lies. Not to mention twist up all the little girls over Unicorns and Tom Cruise). He totally wins in the most Devilish' character over Mephistopheles (is that a city in Greece? Time to get a nickname or shorten that one aye?) You'd also recognize him from about a million other movies where he plays either the Sinister Butler or the Misguided Billionaire. He might always get "bested" by some little cartoon mouse or child hero, but he's a man (or woman depending on the script) who doesn't believe in half measures.
And he could play a pretty spot-on Dave Grohl "Dad" too.
WINNER!!!
So, Tim Curry is a man who doesn't use fingers.
"Palms Together, I'm Diving In!!!"


LOSER
Both Damien Blade and Mephistopheles (they're the same person)
"I'm working on a two-way technique!... I'll be back Versus matches, just you wait and see."

1 comment:

JBMFT said...

And you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter and you got a letter...