Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Hipster's Guide to Vintage Biker Fashion (this weeks episode; Hat's and Cap's)

Historic Biker Headwear (historically bad...)

In day's of ol' before your older brother or sister got their first lil' Yamaha dirt bike, some old dudes that nobody remembers used to ride motorcycles that were slow and looked like bicycles on steroids because they were, effectively, bicycles on steroids. So one had to dress the part even back then. Listen, Cavemen didn't just wear animal skins to keep warm. No, they had to have easy access to the junk. Zippers and Buttons probably were an alien invention anyway, the Caveman had to be ready to perform at a seconds notice or risk being eaten by a saber tooth tiger. There was a whole lotta alternative lifestylin' back then. Now put on your Newsboy Cap and throw some papers!
Then a variety of Captain's Hats (along with Giligans Island) became popular. For about a minute. The biker community handed this one driectly to the Homosexuals (it's no racisit if I use it in a sentence so shutup!) Hey, btw, no one ever saw a boat? "What exactly are you a Captain of...?" (insert answer here)... "Oh, that's gross... can I watch?"
Nothing says "dressed for every ocassion" like a leather Captain's Cap with flair! The Goatee only accents the manliness of the whole package (read: image).


Leather Doo Rags in "Black and Buck" took hold and many a inner-city rider rocked the natural feel of Pakistani Leather. It can't be beat for a simplistic tanning method. I think the popularity dwindled when Blazing Saddles was released on VHS home cassette. 
Hipster thought it would be cool to weat leather bomber cap's (actually called "Pilot Jimmy's" back in the day) these leather head condoms are about as protective as a sledge hammer v. your longest member. And let me ask you? What's with the ear zipper... why would you want anyone to have diameter access zone directly to your ear? You might overhear a conversation and think "Hey, I gotta be prepared if I grow a pair of Rabbit Ears..." 

3 comments:

Zombie Performance said...

im pretty sure i need to retire my leather captains hat and trade it in for that white one.

Lady Hump said...

http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/61329.jpg?zm=1600,1600,1,0,0

You should just rock this Steffan...

WhitelinePsycho said...

Chaps, leather caps, bondage gauntlets . . . I love this blog !!