Tuesday, July 8, 2014

::: MY BORN FREE 6 TOP 10 LIST :::

... If you're about to get a royal butt hurt on keep in mind I take my coffee with two spoonfuls of humor so you can either enjoy it with me or maybe you should avert your tender eyes now.

THE LADY HUMP 
BORN FREE 6 
TOP 10 LIST!!!

10. Jesse le'James called in sick.
"screw those fake ass bikers wannabes, I'm too busy."

9.) The price of Beer was cheaper (by $1) than last year. Not that I had to buy any, super huge thanks to everyone handing out free beer!!! YOU ALL RULE SO MUCH, THANK YOU!!!

8.) The "hipster" direction has turned from BLACK to BROWN
*You can substitute "hipster" for any comparable word you like if it offends you...
(That's pretty much the easiest way to sum up how the newest-old-twist-on-biker fashion mandated uniform went from black leather to denim vests, Engineer boots to Redwings, Budweiser to PBR, tattoos and a kinda greasy retro-tight-jeans-style to > this year went a more country, folkish, Pot Smoking brass jewelry wearing Cowboys and topless squaw Indians influenced Buffalo-style in about a year!) and let me say, there's nothing wrong with that swinging pendulum. Bring it on ladies, this is your year!
All I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom
And a poom-poom - JUST SHAKE YA RUMP

7.) No Colors. The Color-Run crowd was totally dissed at this years Born Free 6. Last year they tried an invasion and hostile takeover of the show, and were pretty successful, but this year they were held back at the gates and shunned like the cross-fit seagull flock-o-nuts that they are!
"For those about to Rock, We Salute You!"

6.) The guy who dunked the wife-beater wearing girl in the dunk-tank on the first throw! Cheers!!! Boing, Boing!!!

5.) The Harley Davidson DUI Simulator was funny as hell! I scored pretty high on the DO NOT RIDE meter. Oh yeah.

4.) It was not as crowded as last year (you could actually walk the aisles without tasting shirtless muscle sweat from the dudes bunching up against you at every turn.)
"Arrrrr'whhhaaaaaagggghhhhh...."
That was me last Born Free 5

3.) It was "nearly" not as hot as last year (wearing a full white polyester suit and tie did give me heat stroke, but at least I was able to follow the no-colors rule)


2.) I paid $10 to Fast-Pass grass park within 20 feet of the dirt $5 parking, separated by nothing more than a chain link fence. The Sneetche's on the Beetche's bitches! I've got a star on my bell'ay.
"Hey, that's not a fast pass... call the authorities!!!"
* not me, check my Lowbrow receipt. I paid to get in.

1.) No shortage of Porta-Potties!!! (A little seen and less read event tag line was "More porta-potties than a Renaissance Festival" ... ok, that was a joke)
Born Free for some reason has always placed Porta-Potties at entrance/exit points inside the show. Now granted this is an unavoidable situation; you've gotta give people ample opportunities not to urinate on the grass, I know. I understand. But for the last three years, I've come home with great shots obscured by toilets... so this year, I gave in. I followed the teachings of Tyler Durden and gave up. I left my most cherished pet peeve behind and accepted the porta-pattietopia of Born Free 6. And with each photo I took, I said this prayer in my head;

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the Porta-potties I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

And for those of you who think I'm bagging on the show...
Lighten Up. Have a Snickers.

I {heart} Born Free

1 comment:

landspeed said...

All he wanted to do was ride his bike into BF. He broke down in the desert, and got it towed to the campsite. Helped him get it running, and he got to realize his dream.