Thursday, August 13, 2015

What I learned from Sturgis 2015...

Here's a little run down of what I saw from a tourist perspective at Sturgis 2015

  • Maybe 5% of the attendees will live to make it to the Sturgis 100th Anniversary. Probably a lot less...
  • Baggers compromise 99.9% of the 1 million bikes at Sturgis. (Ed: That should have read "Ugly Baggers compromise....")
  • Even though nobody splits lanes, I saw plenty of people cut across traffic lanes to snatch a "last" parking spot. Even saw one lady cut two lanes of opposing traffic and promptly drop her bike when coming to a screeching stop near the curb. Thumbs up on that smooth move!
  • Pink is the preferred color of women's t-shirts, sequins, bandannas, feathered dream catcher earrings, and whatever else lifestyle brand accessories they're wearing.
  • Men prefer tennis shoes over boots. Nikes, New Balance, Sketchers and even Sandals ruled the highway pegs of Interstate 90.
  • More people were riding with Paper Plates than License Plates (maybe not, but scary as hell to see all the paper plates on so many nu' bers).
  • Trailers carry bikes thousands of miles that are perfectly road worthy. Once at Sturgis, they ride the bikes into town to sit an endless motionless stream of traffic.
  • LIFESTYLE BRANDING (i.e., corporate marketing strategy 101, product placement) is the ONLY thing you see everywhere. EVERYWHERE; Every building, sign, fence, window, easy up, chair, bar, parking lot, stray dogs, trash can, etc. etc. etc. You can't help but be hypnotized by the overwhelming putrid smell of AstroTurf Marketing. It's as if some giant earth destroying Power Rangers monster sprayed toxic advertising diarrhea over the entire town; just bent it's large ass over, grabbed some cheeks, took a deep breath, and let the diarrhea spray hose down the entire town... "Whewwww... now that's a stench!"
  • Every single vendor carries "authorized" or "officially" licensed products. "Where's the Unauthorized shit??? Set me up in a back alley opium den of unlicensed apparel item."
  • Couples who shop together, seemingly purchase every like accessory from the entire compliment of the Harley Davidson wardrobe line. (Ed: I wonder what they do with it all when it's covered in bugs after less than 100 miles? Is there an officially licensed bug remover line of spray cleaners?) "Yes, Hello. I'd like to order one of everything please, in both men's and women's..."
  • Gasoline Stations in town have lines of bikes waiting to fuel 50-100 deep ...for each pump.
  • Tow Truck Drivers are up at a quarter to five shooting gold fish (bikers) in bathtubs with shotguns and making a killing until well after midnight. You can measure your distance traveled through the Black Hills area(s) by the number of broke-down bikers you pass. Nobody stopping to help anyone else, they've got somewhere more important to be! Darwinism at it's height.
  • Those bands (*may contain at least one original band member) you're overpaying to see at some of the venues outside of town can't fill a small club in Los Angeles / Hollywood.
  • Weekend Warriors eat more Ice Cream than they do drink Beer... What the hell is wrong with you people? Sheeeeesh...
Okay, yeah I'm joking.

No, I'm really not.

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