Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I'd like to offer you a FREE front row seat to the Apocalypse... (but you'll still have to pay to park, enter, and play)

Take a seat, the ride will start momentarily

From the makers of "That's SO Fauxy..."

But first take a moment to soak in our "Corporate Logo Horizons" (TM)(c)(R)

* We offer the latest in Corporate Logo Placement Technologies for your event. No longer are you tasked to find someone capable of hanging banners around your event with a bag of zip ties tucked precariously under their overbite chin. We offer Marketing Solutions designed to capitalize on product and brand placement at your next MEGA CHOPPER EVENT! Email us now for a competitive market quote. 

Once satisfied that your brand is presented in the most visible way(s) possible throughout your event, nothing says "Grassroots" authenticity, like the "Erector Set Stage Systems" (TM)(c)(R). Designed to maximize your stage presence and disguise your (rental) mediocrity. Everybody's renting these for their events, SO SHOULD YOU!!!

                            RENT NOW!!!

Gone are the days of...

Wooden Stages
(prone to termite damages)
Flatbed Truck Stages
(prone to flat tires and unsafe unbalanced conditions)
Created and Found Space Stages
(avoid the timely chore of having to come up with something original ... )
Allowing Bands and/or Performers to intermingle with the audience
(avoid liability by keeping your celebrities "safe" from being touched, molested, or tackled)

We offer you the perfect stage, staged every time!

Also available with waterproof walls if weather conditions change and/or people start throwing feces or excrement at you... (Hey, it happens).

"What's this picture doing here? 
Take this hippie shit out of here before anyone realizes it's just a homemade DIY stage..."

"I can't believe there's not more people here... do they know what they're missing?"

"Nothing says Grassroots like Aluminum...."
~ Cylon, No. 320092418

1 comment:

Jeff O said...

And don't forget to hand some asshole a microphone so he can drone on endlessly about his inspiration for his chopper build, but he merely did the assembly, all the hard fab work was done by someone else.