Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Cum Dump of a Storm on the horizon Harley Davidson warns...


Yesterday there was a blog release (blogs, remember them? That's where we blog dead horses) regarding Harley Davidson's future financial plans (more accurately how to "stop the skid" marks in their ever failing elastic band underwear)
Here's some highlights of the plan from Harley Davidson;

WHAT HARLEY PLANS TO DO ABOUT ITS SLOW-MOTION IDENTITY CRISIS
by: Admin (aka Anonymous) (reposted from a blog that doesn't matter from another blog)

...earning were low again this year... blah blah blah... (everyone knows this already, we don't care, we won't care, we forgot how to care...)

...Harley-Davidson executives said yesterday the company plans to stop the skid(marks) by investing more money into — you guessed it — marketing efforts (read: a whole lotta trips out to So Cal for the vibrant active young "movements" going on there, a virtual CUM DUMP). Three of the four strategies outlined in the company news release on earnings (and the subsequent investor call) center around marketing: “increasing product and brand awareness” sponsorship of anything involving new uneducated impressionable malleable riders is at the top of the list. (Which begs the question: is there anyone who isn’t aware of Harley-Davidson?) (that's a very stupid question... ever been to Coachella?) “Accelerating the cadence and impact of new products” comes in at number four.

The NEW Harley Street 750cc

 And this is where my personal narrative comes in. As a relatively new rider (never would have guessed it), one who lives in suburban southern California (the Burbs hu?), I was pretty excited (like, maybe a school girl excited?) when Harley announced the launch of its Street models (jump for joy, jump for joy!). Here, I thought, was a Harley that I might consider owning (stop slobbering on the press release! You have to make it sound believable and you're just hamming it up). As a content marketing guy, I was thrilled. Here was Harley responding to a shift in its consumer base by doing something different — making an attempt to gain new riders by actually building a bike for them, and not simply spinning their brand’s story. (oh... Jesus H. Christ, you read the marketing release from top to bottom you dumb dumb)

The NEW Harley Street 500cc

Whether or not H-D actually made “better” stuff is up for debate (don't think of it as better... think of it as a lifestyle brand you want. Then quality doesn't mean anything); at best, the Street is an imperfect bike (just like you... poor little misunderstood emo hipster). But it can be improved upon (with ACCESSORIES available through our accessory department in every dealership!!! STEP RIGHT UP!), and it is a step forward for a brand whose strategy of selling a lifestyle may be running out of gas... (That's just our small peanut gas tanks, lol...)

Not Sorry.

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